Read 5 Reasons Cheating Is SO Common In Marriages (Says Science)

 

If your marriage has become complacent, you might want to take a look at these cheating statistics.

I find these statistics staggering, don’t you?

• 15% of wives and 25% of husbands have participated in extramarital intercourse.
• When including emotional affairs or s//xual intimacies (without intercourse), the incidences increase by 20%.

The truth: “complacency” in marriage becomes an open door. Couples conscious of this fact approach their relationship as if they could lose something precious. You do not want your marriage to end up in that 35-45% group of couples that experience such devastation.
So, why is infidelity so prevalent?

1. One partner begins to assume that the other doesn’t care.
Rightly or wrongly, your partner may come to feel that your everyday inattention simply means that he or she no longer matters to you. Whether you have just given birth to your second child, or your job has you traveling to China more often than you would like, your marriage is vulnerable.
You see, when you were “in love“, you had this inner sense that you would always be enough for your beloved, just as you were. As the love hormones diminish, small mindful indications of attention and continued affection make a huge difference, provided they matter to your spouse.
Make it clear to each other that, “No matter what, when you need my attention, I’ll clear out time for you.” In doing so, you will increase their chances of warding off the temptation of infidelity. Granted, maybe you won’t have that time the split second one of you gets home, but take their request seriously. Whether it’s by long distance or after the kids get home, put on your best listening hat and be there for your partner (and don’t problem solve until asked).

2. Opportunity makes for promiscuity.
According to one recent study, “More than one-third (36%) of men and 13% of women said that they gave in to temptation on a business trip.”
You are alone with no one to talk to, plus you’re enjoying a few drinks, and inhibitions plummet. Highly committed couples know this and make it a point to touch base around the world by phone, even if it’s the middle of the night and you must interrupt your business dinner.
Want to know a set up for an erotic encounter? Complete a project or deal with a good looking member of the opposite s/x in another part of the world. So, if you want to safeguard your marriage, make fidelity a much talked about big deal. Explain what it would mean to you if your partner betrayed you. Let that be on your partner’s mind because you have both indicated how hurt you would be.

3. Cheating runs in your family.
If one (or both) of your parents cheated, you will more likely to cross the line. Just like in evaluating suicide risk, where the therapist notes whether relatives have taken their own lives, you’ll be more wary if you know your family has a past of infidelity. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t marry someone with this history; you just want reassurance that you both are awake to similar values on this issue.

4. The belief that no one will suspect them.
Statistics reveal that 74% of men and 68% of women admit they would have an affair if they felt they could get away with it. Whether this response is accurate in reality, it still suggests that people do imagine (and likely fantasize about) an extramarital affair, and would act on an opportunity if they could do so under a guarantee of cover.

As a marriage counselor, let me suggest that in this day and age of cell phones and emails, the odds have greatly increased that you will be found out. Something happens when the brain goes on the speed-like drug of “being in love.” Dopamine creates stalker-like impulses and caution goes out the window. The fear of being found out becomes the least of concerns. So, you more easily assume that no one will suspect.

5. The real consequences of cheating never occurred to them.
If you haven’t been there, you can’t quite imagine the tsunami-like impact of a partner’s betrayal. More than anything else, you don’t know where to turn, whom to trust, or how to overcome the sense of doom. In the past, the person you would naturally lean on would be the person that has now betrayed you and seemingly does not care about you at all.

To trust again is the biggest challenge. If you find yourself believing you can never understand how someone could do this to you, you will find many who would agree with you that you did not deserve this. Infidelity sometimes offers one of the most powerful opportunities to find new ways of growing from pain.
The flashbacks alone to the moments when you felt so overwhelmingly hurt by cheating does not enter anyone’s imagination who is tempted to stray. They never even think of it.
Let me assure you that healing from infidelity is possible, even though you feel quite hopeless at first. You may even find you’re blown away by the simple fact that (despite your hurt and anger) you still love your partner and want to save the marriage.

Many couples who decide to see a marriage counselor do rebuild their marriage to something they never dreamed possible. Restoring trust and meeting each other’s needs takes time, but if you take the step to work through the pain, the newfound bond will amaze you. You see, couples who have looked at the abyss and decided to discover the real glue that makes marriage work.